silence-in-your-soul:

I need you

sodamnrelatable:

longlivesherlock:

whorville:

whorville:

Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?

The C

I FUCKING GET IT NOW IT TOOK ME LIKE 20 MINS

pizza:

athostic:

guceubcuesu:

Should’ve stuck to the status quo 

Us cellists r crazy mother fuckers

o m g 

chickensandwich:

i told the lady at starbucks that my name was p. diddy and she refused to write it on the cup

megaman2:

megaman2:

“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”

“no, i said she was fucking goofy”

please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother

slugbox:

hootaloo:

blak-widow:

malcolmsex:

kymherz:

ippinka:

Try out a cool way to separate egg yolks from egg whites!

this is genius.

i-ran-over-oprah:

sorryidontswim:

fungi:

I love how Kindle thinks they’re so innovative with their “no-glare” screen. You know what else has no glare? A book

BLESS YOU

no one sneezed

raccooneyedbitch:

bombarrows:

quadrangledreality:

lightningsshadow:

paranoidandroid42:

yes i’m a boy

yes i play videogames ;]

don’t hit on me silly girls xoxoxo

wft boys don’t play videogames

get back in the garage and fix my car.

another fucking “gamer boy” They all just want attention they cant even play well!

He’s just a slut with a controller.

That console isn’t even plugged in you fucking whore.

iwillfucknepeta:

pimpeta-slap:

mrv4n1ll4m1lksh4k3:

pimpeta-slap:

Who came up with kissing? Seriously?
Did 2 people one day accidentally bash heads together and went like, “Oh… That was nice”
*violently bashes head together again*
“This should be a thing”

kissing is a method of exchanging saliva (and thus DNA) to determine whether or not you would want to reproduce with that person

*Bashes heads once more*
You are a prime candidate for my child.

failedheart:

kouharens:

IF YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME OR WANT TO BE FRIENDS YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR ME BECAUSE IM DUMB AND OBLIVIOUS AND EVEN IF I HAVE SUSPICIONS I WILL PROBABLY JUST BRUSH THEM OFF BECAUSE IM AN INSECURE PIECE OF SHIT WHO DOESNT DESERVE YOUR LOVE„,

EXACTLYYYYYYY